A reader asked how to handle a breakup when kids are involved. My answer is simple: do not have sex with him. People often think having children together means they can keep sleeping together forever, but that only keeps old feelings alive. If you want to move on, you cannot keep opening that door and expect to stay unattached. One moment of weakness can turn a clean break into a messy loop. If the goal is healing, then the body has to stop negotiating for the heart.

You are going to have to have a friendship with him because of the kids, so keep it about the kids. When you are exchanging the child or children, do not turn every visit into a discussion of the breakup or a screaming match about the relationship. If the relationship is over, then the children should not be stuck in the middle of adult problems. Keep the conversation short, calm, and centered on what the children need right now.

Do not rush back into dating just because other people say you should. This is the time to love yourself, spend time with your children, and do the things that make you happy. A breakup can leave you feeling vulnerable, unloved, or abandoned, so give yourself room to heal before you look for someone new. You do not need to prove anything by jumping into the next relationship too fast. The best reset is often a quiet one, where you remember who you are without anybody else’s opinion.

Do not make excuses to keep seeing him outside of anything related to the children. That only makes the breakup harder and keeps you stuck in confusion. Also, do not punish him by keeping him from seeing his kids or using them to spy on his new life. Be mature for your child, not for him. When you act out, the only people who really pay are the children and yourself. Stay above the drama, because that is the only place where the situation can start to calm down.